Return To Me
by moonbean
Summary: When tragedy strikes Rose's family, the Doctor takes her home to a distraught Jackie. But Rose has closed herself off and it's making her ill. Can the Doctor save her before it's too late?
1. Bad News

**A/N: Another story that just popped into my head! It will only be a short one though – just a few chapters. Living a Life will be updated tomorrow, then Siori, probably after the weekend.**

**Disclaimer: It's not mine. Seriously, can't you tell?**

**xxxx**

"She said that?"

"Yes. But I don't see how you can get all big headed about it. After all, she was a giant, talking fish."

"Yeah, but still…"

Rose looked at the Doctor incredulously. "That saddens me. Although…" she said slowly, thinking the situation over, "I can see why that would probably flatter you. I mean, when woman aren't exactly throwing themselves at your feet, you kinda have to take what you can GET!" Rose half yelled, half squealed as the Doctor made a lunge for her, chasing her around the console before they stopped on either side staring at each other, each anticipating the others next move.

"Take that back right now, Rose Tyler," the Doctor demanded, trying to look serious, but the tone of his voice gave him away.

Rose stuck her tongue out at him, and a smile twitched at the corners of his mouth.

"You are so easy," she grinned, walking past him to sit on the battered control room chair.

"I'll have you know," he said, coming to sit next to her and propping his feet up on the console, "that plenty of woman fall for my charms."

Rose shook her head. "Say what you like space-boy, big fish lady still doesn't count."

"It's true! I frequently attract the attentions of the opposite sex."

"You do remember that it was Jack who was the intergalactic playboy, not you?" Rose said, raising her eyebrows and looking at him as though he were delirious.

He looked a little hurt. Rose snuggled up to his arm.

"All right, you could be. I suppose you are kind of easy on the eyes."

He fixed her with a puppy-dog stare. "Kind of?"

She smiled up at him. "Okay, very easy on the eyes."

The Doctor grinned and jumped up. "Fancy a brew?"

"Yeah, go on then." Rose took hold of his proffered hand and he pulled her up.

xxxx

An hour later, and after much light-hearted gossiping, Rose announced that she was going to bed. She scraped out the remaining contents of her yoghurt pot before tossing it in the bin and sliding down from her perch on the kitchen counter, spoon still in her mouth. She licked it clean and chucked it in the dishwasher.

"You sleeping tonight?" she asked the Doctor, who was leant back in his chair, legs up on the table.

"Nope," he replied, as Rose bent down and kissed his cheek goodnight. He returned it and smiled up at her. "Sweet dreams."

She grinned. "Night night."

The Doctor watched her leave the kitchen, then spent a few seconds staring at the empty space she had once occupied before deciding to wander down to the library.

A few hours later he was startled back to the here and now when the corner of his eye caught Rose lingering in the doorway. He put his book down and glanced up at her, thinking she must have had a bad dream. All the colour in her face had drained away and she looked distant.

"Rose?" the Doctor asked, getting up and making his way towards her when she made no attempt to move. He looked at her, his eyes heavy with concern. He put a hand to her cheek and brought her gaze up to his. "Are you all right?"

Rose blinked and looked at him. It was as if she'd only just noticed that he was there.

"I need to go home for a bit. I need to help mum with the funeral arrangements," she replied, her voice almost devoid of any emotion. She sounded as if she was on auto-pilot, like her body had been left with only basic functions whilst her mind had gone off for a wander.

The Doctor frowned. Now he was definitely worried.

"Rose, what are you talking about? What's happened?" he said, placing his hands on her shoulders.

"I should have known, you know. I'm sure mum told me. I guess I didn't pay attention properly, just thought she'd get well again. She always did before. But this time..." Rose shook her head slightly. "Everything has it's time," she whispered distantly, making the Doctor shudder. The last time he'd heard those words Rose had had the vortex burning inside her.

Bringing his hands up to her face, he gently forced her to look at him properly.

"Rose, you're starting to scare me a little. Who... What's happened?"

"She was a great person, you know. Always looked after me when I was younger so mum could go out to work. I loved going to my gran's after school. She'd let me eat sweets before tea and we'd watch old musicals together."

The Doctor bowed his head. Her gran had died.

"Oh, Rose. I'm so sorry." He tried to pull her into a hug but she backed away.

"I'll go and get ready,' she said, and she turned and left without another word, leaving the Doctor staring after her, frozen to the spot.

xxxx

The Doctor was waiting in the control room when Rose walked in with a small bag of her belongings. Her skin was still sallow, but there was no evidence to suggest that she had been crying – no red eyes or damp cheeks. As worried as he was, Rose was in shock, and the Doctor knew he would have to tread carefully. It was the waiting for her to cry that would be the worst part. Crying would make it real, make Rose admit that she would never see her gran again. But it would begin the healing process. Waiting for her to grieve would be like waiting for a bomb to go off, but he knew it wasn't something he could push. Well, not unless it went on for an unhealthy amount of time, then he would have to gently coax her into letting it all out.

He watched the time rotar pulse up and down, eventually coming to a stop, and rubbed a hand over his face, stealing a glance at Rose. She edged slowly towards the doors, looking over her shoulder at him as she reached them.

"Aren't you coming?"

The Doctor tried to hide the surprise on his face as he looked at her.

"You want me too?"

She nodded warily. "Please."

He gave her a small nod and headed out after her as she stepped out into the warm sunshine. He'd seen death more times than he cared to remember, and he didn't really like to hang around, which was why he was unsure of how to act around Rose. If she had been crying he would have been there with a supporting hug and soothing words and an ear if she wanted to talk it through. As it was, he didn't know how to deal with her when she put walls up around herself. He didn't want to put his foot in it by saying the wrong thing. So, he decided he would wait around in the background in case she needed him, maybe help with the arrangements and deal with any unexpected visitors that came to the door offering their respects. He was sure that however well their intentions were meant, the family would want some time to themselves.

Silently trudging up the stairs of Bucknall House, Rose paused when she got to her front door and took a deep breath before placing her key in the lock and turning it gently. As soon as the door swung open, Jackie came running up to them, eyes tired and bloodshot from crying.

"Rose!" she cried, flinging her arms around her daughter. She clung to her for a second, before pulling back and studying her face. "You got here quickly," she said, before sending a small smile of thanks towards the Doctor, who was standing awkwardly in the doorway. He returned it sympathetically.

"Right," Rose said, pulling out of her mother's embrace. "I'll go put the kettle on."

"Okay, sweetheart," Jackie replied softly. She watched Rose disappear into the kitchen and then turned towards the Doctor and walked up to him. He automatically put his arms out to her, and she accepted the hug gratefully.

"I'm so sorry, Jackie. If you need me to do anything..."

"Thank you," she said, sighing deeply and sniffing back a sob. "How was Rose when she told you?"

"She didn't exactly tell me, she just said she had to come home and help you with the arrangements. She did mention her gran, although she never actually said that she'd... Well, it wasn't hard to work out," he replied, leaning back slightly and looking down at her. "She hasn't cried, she's just..."

"On auto-pilot?" Jackie offered. The Doctor nodded.

"I was like that when Pete died. Refused to except it. You'll help me keep an eye on her, won't you?"

"Already doing it."

Jackie smiled, and led him into the living room. A few minutes later Rose came in with a tray of tea and biscuits. She placed it on the coffee table and curled up in one of the chairs.

"There's only two mugs, darling," Jackie said gently.

"I know. I didn't want one."

"Well, how about a biscuit?"

Rose shook her head. "I'm fine."

An uncomfortable silence hung in the air whilst Jackie and the Doctor drank their tea.

"I'm going to the hospital later to..." Jackie trailed off, before taking a deep breath. "Do you want to come and see her?"

Rose blinked up at her mother, startled out of her reverie. "Would you mind if I didn't?" she said, her voice almost monotone.

Jackie gave her a sad smile. "Of course not."

The phone rang then, making them all jump, but Rose still sprang up to answer it. As she disappeared out of the room, the Doctor and Jackie just looked at each other.


	2. Going Through The Motions

**A/N: Thank you to all who have reviewed so far** **and my love to those who have lost a loved one. I know first hand how hard it is.**

**As always, keep reviewing and – hopefully – keep reading!**

**xxxx**

The Doctor watched Rose out of the corner of his eye, something he had been doing frequently over the past week. They were all sat at the dinner table and once again Rose was picking at her food, turning it over slowly with her fork and looking at it in disdain. After a few minutes she pushed her plate away and excused herself from the table. No one made a a fuss and no one said a word until they heard her bedroom door click shut.

"Doctor..." Jackie began quietly, but found she didn't have to voice to continue.

The Doctor put his face in his hands and sighed deeply. "I know."

And that was it, conversation over as they ate in silence.

Rose had become more and more withdrawn as the days had gone on, barely saying a word to anyone and hardly touching her food. Her skin had turned ashen and her eyes were heavy and dark, the circles underneath giving away just how little sleep she had had. Jackie and the Doctor were desperately worried about her, but she still wouldn't open up.

Later that night, the Doctor knocked gently on Rose's door and slowly pushed it open. As she hadn't called out he'd assumed that she was asleep, so he was slightly shocked to see her sitting on the edge of her bed and staring out of the window.

"Rose?"

Rose turned her head briefly to acknowledge him before going back to staring at the dark sky through the rain splattered glass of her window.

"Thought you'd be asleep already," she said, distantly.

The Doctor shook his head. "No, not tonight. Besides, it's a bit hard to at the moment," he sighed, coming to sit next to her on the bed.

Rose looked at him and frowned, her eyes holding so much concern despite what she was going through that it shocked him.

"Why? What's wrong? You're not ill are you?"

The Doctor let out a noise that was half-way between a chuckle and another sigh.

"No, no. I'm not ill. I'm just... I'm worried about you."

Rose raised her eyebrows. "Me?"

He nodded, and took her hand in both of his. "You know you can talk to me about absolutely anything, don't you? You know I wouldn't judge you on it, or laugh at you or anything like that?"

"Of course I do," Rose replied, giving him a small smile.

The Doctor nodded his head and returned the smile. "Good. So, is there anything you want to get off your chest?"

Rose yawned and gave him a sleepy shake of the head. "No. Why?"

"I just wanted to check, is all. Wouldn't be much of a friend if I didn't check up you once in a while, would I?"

"You're the bestest friend I ever had, not matter what you do - or don't do."

He grinned. "Bestest? Is that even a word?"

She grinned back. "Of course it is. Where have you been? Outer space?"

The Doctor gave a small laugh at that. Rose yawned again and slipped under her covers.

"Sorry to ruin the party, but I'm exhausted."

"Fair enough," the Doctor said, getting up. He gently tucked the covers around her and kissed the top of her head. "Goodnight, sweetheart."

Rose smiled at the endearment. He'd never said that to her before.

"Goodnight."

As he reached the door the Doctor turned, hand hovering over the light switch. "You know where I am if you need me," he said, and then he plunged the room into darkness just as Rose nodded at him. He closed the door gently and leant against it for a few seconds. No matter how tired she was, he had a feeling that she wouldn't sleep much tonight, just like all the other nights, especially as the funeral was tomorrow. Sighing deeply, he headed back into the living room to keep Jackie company.

xxxx

The next morning, Rose awoke to the strong aroma of coffee. She rolled over to her left and saw a fresh cup of the hot liquid on her bedside table. Sitting up, she reached for the cup and took few sips. But, as had everything else since she had been told that her gran had died, it almost instantly made her feel sick, churning up her stomach and making her take deep breaths in order to keep the bile from rising up her throat. When she felt steady enough, she pushed herself up off the bed and reached out for her dressing gown. Upon opening the bedroom door though, she wished she had just stayed where she was. There were people everywhere. She could hear her mum chatting to her friend Bev in the kitchen, and her auntie Tina and cousin Mo deep in conversation in the living room. Her uncle Mark walked past her then and smiled warmly at her before announcing to the whole flat that she was up.

Tina came rushing over to her and started fussing. "Rose! Oh, you poor thing. Look at the state of you! Oh, darling, come here," she said, pulling Rose into a bone crushing hug.

Rose gave her a weak smile and disentangled herself from her auntie's arms just as the Doctor appeared from the other side of the living room. He walked up to her and took her hand, leading her back to her bedroom. Rose sat herself back on her bed as the Doctor closed the door behind them.

"You okay?" he asked as he sat down beside her.

Rose nodded, not looking at him.

"Do you want something to eat? I can bring it in here for you, give you some privacy."

"No, thank you. I'll just get dressed and then come back out. There's lots to do."

"Rose -"

"Mum needs me," she said, cutting him off. "She can't do it all on her own."

"She's not on her own."

Rose sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I'll be out in a minute. Like I said, lots to do."

"Okay," the Doctor said softly as he got up. "I'll leave you too it."

He left the room, heading off into the busy living room to see if anyone needed refills on their tea. As awful as it sounded, he really wanted Rose to crack today. Her health was suffering and her moods were getting more and more erratic. He walked up to Tina.

"More tea?"


	3. Falling Apart

**A/N: Sorry that last chapter was a bit short. This one's longer! Thank you for all the great reviews. Keep them coming! **

**xxxx**

"Right, everyone, the cars are here!" Rose called out, trying to round up her family.

"Is she... I mean, Rose seems a bit..."

"I know, Tina. I know," Jackie told her sister, trying to fight the tears that were welling up in her eyes.

Tina put an arm around her and led her toward the front door. The undertaker greeted Jackie solemnly, taking her hand and speaking a few words of comfort.

"Right then," Rose said to the Doctor as the last of her family left the flat. She grabbed her jacket and he followed her out. She hadn't said anything, but he knew she'd been sick twice that morning. Her skin was grey save for the bit of blush she'd swept across her cheeks, and her eyes were bloodshot from the lack of sleep and slightly unfocused. As she turned and headed down the stairwell, his eyes never left her.

xxxx

As the congregation sang 'Morning Has Broken,' the Doctor looked over at Rose to see her staring numbly ahead. She was sandwiched in-between her mum and Tina, her lips moving of their own accord to make it look like she was at least making an effort with the hymn. He was still surprised that she had gotten this far, and he kept his focus on her as he stood in the pew on the other side of the church, singing without the aid of the hymn book. He near enough knew them all off by heart anyway.

Forty-five minutes later, after the final The hymn had been sung, the Vicar gave his final speech and placed a blessing over the coffin. 'Amazing Grace' was piped out over the speaker system, sending poor Jackie and Tina into fresh floods of tears. Rose took their hands and squeezed them tight as the pallbearers picked up the coffin and carried it out of the church, the family following behind.

The Doctor tried to catch Rose's eye as she left the church, but she just kept staring straight ahead, her black suit making her look white as a sheet. The service continued out in the graveyard, and as the coffin was lowered into the ground, he took Rose's hand, pain and worry etched all over his face as she held his loosely, barely acknowledging him.

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust." The Vicar stepped back and the family filed passed, each one stopping briefly to stare down at the casket in the ground as they dropped in a rose and a handful of earth.

On the way back to the cars, Rose excused herself to use the toilet. When she returned, the Doctor could instantly tell she had been sick again. Her skin was covered in a cold sweat and she was unsteady on her feet, but as he went to take her arm, she simply smiled at him and slid into the car.

xxxx

Jackie watched Rose fuss with the empty plates, cups and trays of food left over from the wake. "Rose, are you sure you won't come with us?"

"I'll be fine, mum. You go with Tina. You need each other." Rose gave her mum a kiss on the cheek and picked up her overnight bag for her.

Jackie sighed. "If you need me at any time, just call. Doesn't matter what time it is."

"I know, mum," Rose said as they walked into the living room.

"You ready then, love?" Jackie said.

Tina looked up at her from where she was sitting on the sofa and smiled. "Suppose so," she replied, getting up. "Thanks John," she said to the Doctor as she made her way with Rose towards the front door.

"Anytime," the Doctor said, smiling kindly.

Jackie approached him, making sure Rose and Tina had left the room before she spoke.

"What was that about?"

"Just offering some words of comfort. She was telling me stories about your mother."

"Sorry. She can talk for England, our Tina can."

The Doctor put his hands on her shoulders. "It wasn't a problem, Jackie. I was happy to listen to her."

Jackie's eyes shone with tears as she put her arms around his neck, drawing him into a hug. "Thank you," she sniffed, "for everything you've done. Not just today, but over this last week." She pulled back and gave him a weak smile. "Promise me you'll look after Rose? She won't come with me. If it wasn't for you being here I'd be dragging her along no matter how much she protested. I'd have Tina here for the night, but her kids are at home and Mark can't handle them all on his own. Run circles round him, they do, and the twins are only eighteen months old and -"

The Doctor put a finger up to silence her. "You don't need to explain. And you know I'll look after Rose. You had my word on that a long time ago."

"I know," she smiled. "Come on, we'd better catch them up."

xxxx

A little while later a loud clanging noise made the Doctor scramble up from his place on the sofa and rush into the kitchen.

"Rose? Rose, love, what are you doing?" he asked tentatively as he watched her dash about the kitchen.

"Clearing up," she said, her tone suggesting that he had just asked her the most stupid question in the universe.

He walked over to her and put a hand on her arm. "Leave it. It doesn't need to be done right away. No one would blame you for putting it off."

Rose shrugged him off and finished wrapping cling-film around some left over sausage rolls, turning on the taps over the kitchen sink as she made her way to the fridge with them.

"I can't leave this place in a mess. It has to be tidy for when mum gets back tomorrow," she said impatiently, slamming the fridge door shut before grabbing the washing-up liquid and pouring it under the running taps.

"Then let me do it," the Doctor offered. "Get yourself to bed."

Rose ignored him and started to wash the dishes.

"Rose..."

"I'm fine!" she snapped, slamming a plate back down into the sink. She took a deep breath before picking it up again and running the dish cloth over it.

The Doctor felt his eyes moisten. Not because she had shouted at him, but because her behaviour was scaring him and he didn't know how to help her. He felt completely useless.

"Isn't there something in the TARDIS that needs fixing?" Rose asked, her voice not quite as harsh as before but still rather cold.

The Doctor shook his head slowly, then remembered she wasn't facing him. "No," he said quietly, feeling hurt, but ashamed that he did so because it wasn't her fault.

"Please, Rose. Let me help," he said, his voice hoarse. He heard her sigh in annoyance.

"I told you, I'm fine. Go and put the telly on or something."

"But, Rose..." he was pushing her now, he knew, but he was desperate to get something – anything - out of her.

"Don't," she said, cleaning a wine glass a bit too vigourously.

"Why won't you let me help you? Rose? Rose, talk to me. Rose?!"

"WHAT?!" she yelled at him, crying out as her hand went through the glass.

The Doctor rushed over to her and gently took hold of her hand, attempting to run it under the tap as blood trickled down the side of it. However, Rose yanked it away from him.

"Leave it."

"Rose..."

"I said leave it! Please, Doctor, just leave me alone," she begged, her voice cracking slightly. She went to plunge her hand back into the sink, but the Doctor grabbed it again.

"Let go!" Rose struggled to get out of his grip but he held her firmly. "Let me go!" she cried out again.

"No, Rose. Come away from the sink and let me take a look at your hand," the Doctor insisted.

"Let me GO!" she screamed at him, violently trying to pull away from him.

"Rose, come on now," he said soothingly.

"Get off of me! Get off of ME!" Rose was struggling wildly now, screaming at the Doctor. "No! NO!" she beat her fists against his chest in an attempt to push him away, but it was futile. As she twisted and jolted the Doctor decided enough was enough and he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly.

"Rose, stop it. You'll hurt yourself," he said, pleadingly.

"I don't care!" she said breathlessly as she tried to push herself out of his arms.

"I DON'T! I DON'T!"

"Rose!"

Her voice went then and she let out a choking sob. "IT'S ALL MY FAULT!" she yelled out, and then, as if she was a puppet and someone had cut her strings, her knees gave out and she leant into him heavily, letting out a cry of agony.

The Doctor pulled her into his chest as the flood finally came and she clutched onto him for dear life. They slid to the floor as Rose chanted "it's all my fault," over and over again.

"No, Rose. It's not," he said as he stroked her hair, desperately trying to comfort her.

"Yes, it is," she wailed, tears racing down her cheeks.

The Doctor pulled her further onto his lap, gently rocking her back and forth.

"How on earth can it be your fault?"

Rose let out another heart-breaking sob as she tried to speak. "I never went to see her. Before I met you I saw her all the time, and then I just took off." She gulped down a breath, trying not to choke. "Mum told me she was ill but I still never asked you to take me back. We used to be so close and she was dying and I didn't come home. I didn't come home to see her and now she's dead and I hate myself for it!"

"Rose..."

"Mum said she kept asking after me but I didn't even call her. What if she died being hurt by me never coming to visit? What if she died thinking that I'd grown out of her? That I didn't love her anymore? What if she thought all that?" she sobbed, hysterically.

"Oh, sweetheart. Why did you never tell me all this?" the Doctor said, hugging her tighter.

"I – I didn't want you to think I was a bad person. But – but I am. I'm a horrible person and a horrible granddaughter and now she's gone and I never got to tell her how much I loved her!"

"Rose, I wouldn't have... I will never, ever, think that about you. It wasn't your fault, you hear me? She knew you loved her -"

"She didn't!"

"Of course she did. She's your gran. Of course she would have known. They always do."

"No!" Rose wailed.

"Hey," the Doctor said, soothingly. "Come on now." He pulled back to look at her and she hid her face in his shoulder. "Rose, look at me," he said, gently lifting her face up. He felt her try and resist, but she was too weak to put up a fight for long.

"You trust me, right?"

Rose nodded, tears still flowing freely down her cheeks.

"Then trust this. Your gran loved you, and she knew that you loved her. Nothing you say will ever change that."

Rose held his gaze for a moment, and then her face collapsed. "My gran's dead! She's dead and I let her down!" she fell against him again, her tears soaking his shirt right through.

"All right, all right. It's going to be ok. You're going to be ok," he said, rubbing her back and kissing the top of her head. "I'm here for you, Rose. I'm right here."

"I want her back," she sobbed against his chest.

"I know, darling, I know. And I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

xxxx

About an hour later, the Doctor looked down to see that Rose had fallen asleep. Dry sobs still wracked her body every so often, but she was sleeping. The Doctor got up off of the floor, carefully picking up Rose and taking her with him. He carried her into her bedroom, expertly balanced her as he pulled back her covers, and laid her down gently. He took her shoes off and tucked the duvet up around her, making sure she was warm enough before coming round the other side of the bed, kicking off his shoes and laying down next to her, arms going round her protectively as he placed a kiss on her pale cheek.

There was no way he was leaving her alone tonight.


	4. Something's Wrong

**A/N: Sorry this chapter is shorter than the last. It's just that this bit got into my head and wouldn't leave until I wrote it down! I also know how naughty I've been not updating my other stories. I honestly will do it, but everything that's popping into my head at the moment seems to be for this one! Thank you again for your continued, wonderful reviews. I can't help but notice though – I've had tons of emails saying I've been put on story alert, but not nearly as many reviews. So... please, please leave me just a teeny, tiny message. It makes me very happy! As do your story alerts, obviously! Ta.**

**xxxx**

Much to her dismay, Rose awoke several hours later to find that her alarm clock read '01:17'. Amazingly, that was the first thing she noticed considering the dead weight that was draped across her body. When she tried to snuggle further under the duvet and found she couldn't move, she turned her head and found the Doctor fast asleep, his hair sticking up every-which-way possible and his mouth slightly open. She smiled and tried to gently roll him off enough so that she could move. However, the slight movement was enough to jolt him awake, and he jumped so violently that for a second, Rose thought he was going to hit the ceiling. He spun round to look at her, wide-eyed and panicky.

"Rose! What is it? Are you all right?" he said, putting his hands on her arms and staring intensely into her eyes.

She couldn't help but smile. "I'm fine. I was just trying to pull the covers up. You were laying on me."

The Doctor blushed slightly, although Rose couldn't see it in the near darkness. "Sorry," he replied sheepishly.

"S'okay." She paused for a second, then said, "thank you."

"For what?"

She reached out for his hand and squeezed it gently. "For looking after me."

The Doctor shuffled up closer to her and put an arm around her shoulders. "Anytime."

She stayed leant against him for a few seconds before getting up and making her way towards the door.

"Where are you going?" the Doctor asked, instantly alert.

Rose smiled again as she pulled open the door, the dim light from the hall spilling in and giving his face an eerie glow.

"Relax. I'm just going to the bathroom."

He eyed her suspiciously. "You don't feel sick again, do you?"

Rose got rather defensive at this. "What do you mean?"

"Rose..."

She gave him a look and then backed out of the door. "I'm just going to the toilet."

The Doctor sighed and watched her go, relief washing over him when he heard no tell-tale signs of her being sick. But, when she failed to reappear after about five minutes, he started to worry again. Pushing himself off the bed, he made his way to the bathroom and put his ear against the door.

"Rose? Are you okay?"

He heard her breath catch in her throat as she called back, rather shakily. "I'll just be a minute."

He frowned. "Can I come in?"

No answer.

"Rose?"

A muffled sob alerted him to the fact that she was not okay at all. Not one bit.

"Rose, I'm coming in."

Thankful that he hadn't yet fixed the lock on Jackie's bathroom door, he slowly pushed it open to reveal Rose sitting on the lid of the toilet and crying into her hands.

"I'm-I'm sorry," she stuttered, not looking up at him.

"Hey, come here" he said softly, coming to kneel in front of her. She choked back a sob as he took her hands and pulled her forward into his arms. "Don't be sorry, Rose. You're grieving. Never be sorry for that."

"But -"

The Doctor put a finger to her lips to silence her. "Don't."

Rose calmed down slightly, and perhaps it was because the Doctor's finger lingered a little longer on her lips than it should have, or because his face was in such close proximity to hers, but the next thing she knew her lips were on his... and that was when it happened.

The rest of her world and the last of her dignity came tumbling down around her.

The Doctor pushed her back and with wide eyes he stared at her, clearly shocked.

"Rose..."

Rose was vaguely aware that her mouth was slowly opening and closing, but no sound was coming out. She briefly thought about how dumb she looked, before the horrifying reality of what she'd done finally set in.

"Oh, God..." she breathed.

She stood up quickly, the Doctor going with her.

"Oh, God," she said again, her hands flying to her mouth. She backed out of the bathroom door, her eyes never leaving the Doctor's as he continued to just stare at her. "I'm sorry," she whispered, and she turned and fled.

The Doctor finally managed to kick himself into gear and he ran out after her.

"Rose! Rose, it's okay – it doesn't matter!"

He ran into the living room, just in time to see Rose stumble and reach out her hands to the edge of the sofa for support. She sounded breathless, like she had been winded.

"Rose...?"

She turned slowly to look at him, and it was then that he noticed the cold sweat that was covering her face.

"Doctor," she whispered, as she let go of the sofa and tried to walk towards him, "I don't feel well."

The last thing she saw as her legs gave way was the Doctor running towards her, arms outstretched.

Then everything went black.


	5. The Doctor's Guilt

**A/N: Yay, more reviews! And they have all been lovely, so thank you. I'll probably write another couple of chapters after this, but that will be it as this was never intended to be a mega-long story. Thanks again!**

**xxxx**

Bursting out of the flat, the Doctor ran as fast as he could with Rose in his arms all the way down to the TARDIS. Banging the door open and kicking it shut behind him, he continued running all the way to the med bay. Reaching the barely used room, which was cluttered with machines that had seen better days, he set Rose down on one of the beds and did a quick scan with the sonic screwdriver. However, as it was Rose, he didn't want to leave anything to chance, so he pulled over an old monitor, attaching its wires to her and switching it on.

Nothing happened.

With a cry of dismay, the Doctor zapped it with the screwdriver and tried again. And again, it failed to spring to life, even after he kicked it angrily. He had an a good idea of what was wrong with Rose, but he needed to be able to check everything. He couldn't afford to miss anything.

Panicking, and not wanting to waste time, he scooped Rose up again and rushed back out, cursing himself all the way that he hadn't kept all the medical equipment serviced and up-to-date. He made a quick mental note to sort the room out as soon as Rose was well, and raced out of the TARDIS and into the street. Struggling to decide whether to take Rose back up to the flat and call an ambulance or just wave down some random car, he looked down at the sick girl in his arms and quickly decided that sitting and waiting for an ambulance was not an option he wanted to take.

Running to the edge of the road, he stepped out in front of a car a safe distance away and stood and waved an arm about, giving the driver no choice but to stop.

"I'm sorry!" the Doctor panted as he reached the driver's window. "My friend's sick and I have to get her to a hospital."

"Well, what you waiting for then? Jump in!"

The Doctor balanced Rose on his shoulder as he opened the back door and awkwardly climbed into the car, adjusting Rose on his lap once he'd slammed it shut.

"Thank you."

"Not a problem, mate," the driver said as he pulled off and put his foot down. "What happened?"

"I'm not sure," the Doctor said, anxiously. "She just collapsed."

Barely five minutes later, after some outstanding crazy driving, the car screeched up in front of the local hospital. The Doctor got out of the car as carefully as he could, trying not to hit Rose's head on the door.

"What's you name?" he said to the driver.

"Craig."

"You're a good man, Craig. Thank you."

Craig smiled. "I'm sure she'll be okay. Good luck."

The Doctor smiled back at him and then ran through the A&E entrance.

xxxx

"Mr Smith? I'm Doctor Lewis."

The Doctor sprung up from where he was sitting in the waiting area and practically jumped on the poor woman who was coming towards him.

"What's happening? Is she okay?"

"There's no need to worry. I fully expect Rose to make a full recovery."

But the Doctor couldn't relax just yet.

"You're absolutely sure? You've tested her? For everything?"

Dr Lewis smiled sympathetically. "She just need fluids and bed rest, but we'll have to monitor her for a couple of days to be on the safe side. Rose is suffering from severe dehydration and she's malnourished. People deal with grief in many different ways, and, going on what you told the nurse, Rose has been deeply traumatised by the death of her grandmother. The way it's taken a hold of her... well, I haven't seen it before myself, but it does happen. Rose's grief and guilt manifested itself in such a way that she thought that she had to be punished for it. It seems that starving herself and making herself sick was her way of trying to deal with it."

The Doctor looked shocked. "She – she's been making herself sick?"

"You hadn't noticed?"

He shook his head. "I mean, I knew she'd been sick, but I assumed it was because she was in shock, not because she was forcing herself to do it." He ran his hands over his face, rubbing at his eyes. "I should have realised. I can't believe I didn't -"

"Mr Smith, it's not your fault. When someone wants to hide something, then they'll hide it. In cases like this, they can hide it very well."

The Doctor nodded, although her words did nothing to lift his guilt.

"Can I see her?"

"Of course. This way."

As the Doctor followed her up the corridor, he was fighting a horrible internal battle. The fact that he hadn't noticed what Rose was doing to herself made him feel ill, like he'd failed her.

"I noticed she had a rather nasty cut on her hand," Dr Lewis said, interrupting his thoughts. "Do you know how she got it?"

"Yeah, she cut it on a glass when she was washing up. She wouldn't let me take a look at it. It's not infected, is it?"

"It should be fine. It's been treated and wrapped. I just wanted to check that she hadn't begun to self-harm as well."

The Doctor visibly paled. After the initial cry of pain she gave when she first got cut, Rose hadn't really seemed bothered by it. Which, he assumed, was why she didn't want him to fix it up for her.

Dr Lewis stopped by a door to a private room and looked at the Doctor kindly.

"Go easy on her. She's still very groggy. Try not to let her talk to much. Her throat needs a well earned rest. I also want to arrange for someone from psychiatry to come down and -"

"No. No, she doesn't need that," the Doctor cut in, almost sharply.

"I'm sorry, Mr Smith, but I feel it is necessary. If Mrs Tyler wants to discuss it with me when she arrives, I'll be more than happy to talk to her." She gently pushed open the door. "I'll be by to check on her later."

The Doctor could do nothing but nod as he quietly slipped into the room, where upon his breath caught in his throat as he saw the state Rose was in. He knew she had looked ill, but it was only now that he really began to see just how ill she really was. The dark circles around her eyes set a stark contrast against her grey skin. A drip was attached to the inside of her left arm, and various wires were protruding from her chest, the machine next to her bed beeping steadily as it monitored her heart-rate and blood pressure. He pulled up a chair next to her, and just sat and stared at her face. Reaching out, he took hold of her hand and held it gently, rubbing circles over the back of it with his thumb.

Rose's eyes blinked open slowly, and she turned her head to face him.

"Doctor?" she whispered, hoarsely.

"Hello," he said, smiling softly at her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." He gave her hand a squeeze. "Scared the life out of me, you did."

Rose swallowed, and grimaced as her sore throat burned in protest. She opened her mouth to speak, but the Doctor stopped her.

"Don't talk if it's too painful. You need to heal."

A tear slipped down Rose's cheek. "I'm sorry," she said, not succeeding in holding back a small sob.

"Rose, it's all right -"

"No," she croaked. "If I had just opened up to you in the first place I wouldn't be here now. But I didn't mean to do it, I just – I couldn't - I just..." she took a sharp intake of breath as more tears dripped down her cheeks.

The Doctor perched on her bed and carefully took her into his arms. "I know, sweetheart."

"I couldn't even tell doctor Lewis at first. God, I've been so selfish," she sobbed into his chest. "Mum doesn't need this. And my behaviour earlier was completely unacceptable. I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking and -"

"Shh. We don't need to talk about that right now. It can wait." He pulled back to look at her. " Come on now, you're supposed to be resting. Try and get back to sleep."

"But -"

"No. No 'buts'."

Rose leant her head back on his chest. "Where's mum?" she said, her voice barely a whisper.

"She's on her way. And I'll stay right here, I promise. Okay?"

When Rose didn't answer, he looked down and found that she had fallen asleep. He moved her slightly so that she wouldn't tug her IV line in her sleep, and then laid back, thinking about how he'd failed her, even though the world and his wife was ready to tell him that it wasn't his fault.


	6. Tricking The Mind

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Adia Rose, for encouraging me to continue with the story for just that little bit longer and for helping me out with the storyline. I hope I've written it well. I know that for many people, what follows will be a sensitive subject. I hope I can do it justice – and if anyone wants to give me a little advice on the subject, I'll be glad to receive it! The current Hollyoaks storyline with Hannah has helped me out a lot as well. And again, all your reviews have been fab. Thank you!**

**xxxx**

"Well?" Jackie said, standing abruptly along with the Doctor as the psychiatrist exited Rose's room. They had been sitting on the hard, plastic chairs in the corridor for almost two hours, and Jackie had been growing incredibly impatient.

The psychiatrist smiled at them both. "After having a long talk with Rose about her grief and the guilt she feels over her grandmother's death, and how she reacted over it, I've concluded that she is of sound mind and is now fully away of what the situation was doing to her. She's on the road to recovery, Mrs Tyler. I'll inform Doctor Lewis that I can't see of any psychological reason to keep her in any longer, although I know she isn't keen on discharging Rose until late tomorrow morning at the earliest, when hopefully she'll be psychically well enough to continue her recovery at home."

Jackie gave a sign of relief and the Doctor smiled widely.

"Oh, thank you so much."

"Not at all, Mrs Tyler. You have a very caring and intelligent daughter, and she's going to be just fine." He smiled, and then walked off down the corridor towards the lift.

Jackie led the way into her daughter's room, and Rose brightened when she walked in with the Doctor.

"Oh, Rose. Everything's going to be all right. You can come home tomorrow morning and -"

"Might," the Doctor interrupted, perching on the edge of Rose's bed and automatically taking her hand. "Might be able to come home tomorrow. You heard what he said, Jackie."

"Oh, rubbish," Jackie replied as she pulled up a chair. "Of course she'll be well enough. She's a fighter, is Rose. You of all people should know that."

"Yes, but she -"

"Ahem," Rose cut in, pointedly clearing her throat and regretting it instantly when it painfully protested. "'She' is right here, you know."

"Sorry, Rose," the Doctor said, smiling softly at her. "How are you feeling?"

"Better. But all that talking has dried me out a little," she said, hoarsely. She moved uncomfortably then, frowning as she squirmed.

The Doctor instantly looked worried, and Jackie started to fuss.

"Sweetheart, what is it? Are you in pain?" she said in a rush, holding her daughter by the shoulders.

Rose blushed slightly. "No, I just... I need to use the bathroom."

Jackie and the Doctor both visibly relaxed.

"Rose, you don't have to be embarrassed about asking for help. Here," the Doctor said, pushing her covers back slightly and sitting her up.

"Hang on," Jackie protested, "you're not going into the loo with my daughter."

"Mum!"

"I'm just helping her up!" The Doctor turned his attention back to Rose. "Right, swing your legs over the side... that's it. You're probably going to be a little unsteady when you stand, so hold on," he said, putting his arms out to her, being careful to mind her IV line.

Rose planted her hands firmly on his forearms and took a deep breath as she pushed herself up. She wobbled slightly and squeezed her eyes shut to clear the wave of dizziness that hit her.

"All right?" the Doctor asked, his voice full of concern.

Rose blinked a few times and then offered a small smile as her head cleared.

"I think so," she said, letting go of the Doctor and steadying herself. He wheeled her IV next to her and she grabbed onto it for support. She took a shaky step... and instantly regretted it.

"Woah!" the Doctor cried as she toppled sideways, Jackie letting out a gasp as her daughter's knees buckled. The Doctor caught hold of her and held her upright.

Rose offered a small laugh. "Not as good to go as I thought, huh?" she joked.

He gave her a grin as Jackie came round to take Rose's arm.

"Come on, love," she said gently, as she and the Doctor carefully led her to the bathroom door.

The Doctor stepped back as Rose reached for the handle, and Jackie made to go in with her.

"Mum, I can manage the rest on my own."

"But -"

"I'll be fine," Rose said, a look of determination on her face.

"Okay," Jackie gave in, stepping aside to let her through the door. "Let me know when you're coming out."

Rose gave her mother a kiss on the cheek then, making Jackie smile as she disappeared through the door.

xxxx

"If there are any problems or you have any questions, don't hesitate to contact me."

"Thank you," Rose said.

Dr Lewis nodded and walked away.

Rose took a deep breath, letting the fresh air fill her lungs. She was feeling much better now. Yes, she would definitely be fine now.

"Ready, darling?" Jackie said as the taxi pulled up outside the hospital entrance.

"Yep," she replied, taking the Doctor's hand and letting him help her into the back seat.

They spent the short ride back to the flat in relative silence, the Doctor turning round occasionally from his position in the front seat to check on Rose and offer her a comforting smile. The last time he did it he winked at her, making her giggle slightly. Jackie saw this and hid a small smile.

Later, when Rose was tucked up in bed, the Doctor sat next to her reliving some of their past adventures, Jackie knocked gently on the door and walked in with a bowl of soup.

"Here you are, sweetheart. Doctor Lewis said this would be better on your throat." She placed the tray down on Rose's lap.

Rose looked down at the bowl in front of her, suddenly feeling scared and not knowing why.

"Rose? It's not the wrong flavour, is it? I thought you liked chicken soup."

She looked up. "I do, mum."

"Then what is it?"

"Jackie, she's barely eaten for over a week. Give her a minute," the Doctor said kindly.

The phone rang then, and Jackie excused herself. "That'll be Tina," she explained as she left the room.

The Doctor watched her walk away, then turned back to Rose, frowning when he saw the look on her face. There was no doubt about it; she was afraid.

"Rose, it's okay. Just take it slowly."

Rose picked up her spoon and stirred the thick substance. Something undefinable flittered briefly across her features, and she looked at the Doctor with false strength, putting the spoon to her lips and taking a small sip.

The Doctor, unaware of the fierce internal battle she was fighting, smiled proudly.

"That's my girl."

Rose raised her eyebrows slightly, undetected by him as she stared down at the bowl again.

"Could you get me a glass of water?" she asked.

"Whatever you want," he said, giving her shoulder a squeeze before standing and heading off to the kitchen.

As soon as he had left, Rose's eyes darted madly about the room. She'd made a plan in her head before he'd left, a plan which made her feel ashamed, but – as she saw it – a plan which couldn't be helped. Knowing it wouldn't take the Doctor too long to return, she panicked... and tipped almost the whole bowl of soup into an old bag of hers lying on the floor next to the head of her bed. She pushed it under the bed and straightened quickly, her head protesting momentarily at the sudden movement.

"Here you go," the Doctor said, handing her the glass as he reached the bed and sat back down. His eyes caught sight of the bowl on her lap. "Wow, you ate that quick."

"I just took a deep breath and ate it," she lied, hoping her burning skin wasn't giving her away. "No point prolonging the inevitable, and my stomach was starting to complain rather loudly." To her surprise, the Doctor smiled at her.

"Just don't eat it too quickly next time. Slowly does it, remember?"

Rose nodded. "Yeah, I was just, you know, hungry."

He nodded back, reaching up and stroking a hand across her cheek. She leant into him briefly before pulling away, looking slightly confused.

The Doctor looked at her in concern. "Are you okay?"

Rose gave him false smile, and lied again. "Yeah, I'm just tired."

"Of course, sorry." He removed the tray from her lap and stood up, brushing his lips over her forehead as he did so, not seeing her wince. "Get some sleep. I'll come and check on you later."

"Thanks."

He looked at her then, his eyes full of something she couldn't quite describe, but it seemed to be a mixture of guilt and... love?

Rose waited until he had left the room and closed the door before laying down on her side and weeping silently into her pillow. With her mind the way it was, the Doctor's attentions, however innocent they were meant, were confusing her. She thought back to when she had kissed him. He had pushed her away, and even though reason would tell her it was because of the situation, in her head, reason had taken a run and jump. Maybe she wasn't good enough for him at the moment. Maybe, if she just watched what she ate for a little bit longer, he'd be more allured to her; maybe that was the way to get him. After all, she did eat rather a lot of chips, and to make matters worse she had looked a complete mess for over a week now, and that was definitely not attractive. She didn't blame him – if she was the Doctor, she wouldn't kiss her either. Besides, she knew how to handle herself - she wasn't stupid. Yes, just a little bit longer and he'd be hers completely in no time. Then she'd be fine.

Then she'd stop.

She had to do it. She didn't want to lose someone else. She'd let her grandmother down. She didn't want to disappoint him too.

The weeping stopped, and she let her eyes drift closed, falling asleep almost instantly.


	7. Going Home

**A/N: I'm going to take the situation with Rose a bit further, but I was thinking about it, and I don't think that it would take that long for the Doctor to notice what she was doing to herself. It just seems to me that being way over 900 years old, he'd be wise enough to know quite quickly that something was up. I know people with anorexia can learn to hide it very well, but... well, I don't know, what do you all think? And thanks for the reviews, they make me very happy! xx**

**xxxx**

Rose awoke the next morning feeling a lot better about her choice of direction. She sat up, trying to ignore the slight bout of dizziness that engulfed her head as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She swooned slightly as she stood, hands pressed against the wall for support. Taking a few deep breaths, she forced her eyes to focus and walked towards her bedroom door, pausing briefly to pull on her dressing gown. Upon entering the hallway however, her nostrils were instantly assaulted by the smell of bacon and eggs. She felt herself begin to tremble again, and was about to go back into her bedroom when Jackie caught sight of her.

"Rose! How are you feeling love? Come on in here, I was just dishing up breakfast."

Rose found that she didn't have a choice as Jackie took her by the arm and led her into the kitchen. She sat Rose at the table opposite the Doctor, who was beaming at her broadly.

"There you are! I was beginning to think you were going to sleep forever," he said as Jackie placed a plate of food in front of her.

Rose stared at it in disgust.

"Rose? What's the matter?" the Doctor asked, leaning forward and examining her now bloodless face.

"N-nothing," Rose stuttered. "I just don't really fancy it."

Jackie looked disappointed for a moment, then brighten as she thought of another option. "How about some cereal then? I suppose fried food is probably a bit too rich for you at the moment." She took the plate away.

"Stick it here," the Doctor said, grinning at her. "Waste not, want not."

Rose tried to stop herself from visibly squirming as Jackie scraped the food from one plate to the other.

"So, love," Jackie said, peering into one of the cupboards. "What do you fancy? I've got Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, Coco Pops, Sugar Puffs..." she continued to list what she had on her shelves, not noticing as Rose began shaking and breathing erratically.

The Doctor's knife and fork clanged against the plate as he dropped them and scooted over to Rose's side.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," he said, pulling her into him as she began to cry.

"I have to get out of here," she said breathlessly. She pulled herself out of his arms and pushed back from the table, stumbling out of the room.

"Rose!" Jackie cried out after her, confused as to what had caused her sudden change in mood. She ran out after her daughter, the Doctor hot on her heels.

Rose had shot out the front door and was now leant over the balcony, gasping in lungfulls of cool air.

"Rose..."

"Get off me!" she wailed as Jackie tried to put an arm around her.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?! I can't help you if you don't tell me!" Jackie said helplessly.

Rose grabbed the Doctor's lepels and looked at him with begging eyes. "Can we go?" she sobbed. "I can't stay here anymore, please, please can we go home?"

Jackie, quite rightly, looked completely bewildered at this. "But Rose, this is your home!"

The Doctor had his arms around Rose and was trying to calm her down.

"Rose, you only came out of hospital yesterday, you need to rest. Let your mum look after you for a while."

Rose shook her head roughly. "No! No, please. I want to go!" she wailed.

"Come on, come inside," the Doctor said soothingly. She was still attached firmly to him as he led her through the door.

Jackie followed behind numbly, shutting the door and heading straight for the living room. She sat there silently, not even looking up when the Doctor came in and sat next to her.

"Don't take it to heart, Jackie. It's just her grief talking. You know she loves you more than anything."

"I know," she said quietly, "I just wish she'd let me help her."

The Doctor took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "She'll be okay. She just needs time."

"Take her away."

"What?"

"Take her away. I'll be okay, I've got Tina and the rest of the family. But Rose... being stuck here isn't helping her. As much as it pains me to say it, I think she'd be better off getting back out there. Take her somewhere nice, somewhere... well, you know."

The Doctor looked down at his hands. "I shouldn't..."

"Yes, you should. Please, Doctor."

He looked at her for a few seconds, then sighed. "Okay. But if you want her back just call and I'll bring her straight away."

Jackie smiled softly. "I know."

The Doctor smiled back and then got up to see to Rose.

xxxx

"I'll call you later, sweetheart, make sure you're okay."

"I'll be fine, mum," Rose said, grasping the Doctor's hand tightly. She gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"I know, love."

"See you soon, Jackie," the Doctor said as he hugged her with his free arm.

Jackie watched sadly as they made their way across the courtyard towards the TARDIS. Giving one last wave as they made their way through the big,blue door, she waited until the great ship had dematerialised, and then slowly made her way back inside.

xxxx

Rose sat in the kitchen of the TARDIS, tears running down her cheeks for the second time that day. The pain in her stomach, coupled with the guilt she felt over how she had treated her mum had become too much to bear, and to punish herself – at least, in her eyes – Rose had binged on anything and everything she could find. Empty and half empty packets of food lay strewn across the table, and now Rose was hating herself for it. She felt disgusting and fat and utterly ashamed of what she had just done. Knowing the Doctor was still busy tinkering in the control room, she ran out of the kitchen and through the maze of corridors, flinging herself through her bedroom door and locking it behind her before running into the bathroom and making herself sick. The retching burned at her throat, but she didn't stop until the job was done. Afterwards she lay exhausted, but oddly satisfied, against the bath. When she felt she could muster enough energy, she got up and slowly brushed her teeth.

"Rose?!"

Rose whipped around, almost dropping her toothbrush.

"I'm just getting changed!" she called out, panicking slightly until she remembered that she had locked her bedroom door. Finishing her teeth, she quickly changed her top, sprayed some perfume around, ran a hand through her hair and unlocked the door.

"God, Rose. You look terrible. Are you feeling okay?" the Doctor said as he entered the room, taking hold of her arm and sitting her down on the bed next to him.

"Of course," she smiled.

The Doctor put a hand against her forehead and frowned. "You feel a bit clammy. You're not – I mean, you haven't..."

"What?" Rose asked, looking at him innocently.

He smiled at her gently. "Nothing. You hungry?"

"I've already eaten."

"Really?" he asked, not looking entirely convinced.

She gave him a hurt look. "I have! Go look in the kitchen. Food all over the table. Which I was going to clear up, by the way."

The Doctor studied her for a moment, and then sighed. "Sorry. I just worry about you, that's all."

"I know," she said, hugging his arm. "But I feel fine now, honestly. Another good night's seep and I reckon we can get back to normal tomorrow. I could do with a good adventure, couldn't you?"

He grinned at her. "Always. But I don't think we should go running about too much just yet. You might feel better, but your body won't have finished healing itself yet. Give it a bit longer and -" he put a hand up as she started to protest, "- then maybe we can ease back into it. You've gone through a lot; don't be so quick to jump in feet first. I know it's hard, but it's for your own good."

"All right," she said, giving in. "But what would you say to a night on the sofa with a dvd?"

"I'd say that sounds just great."


	8. Dance Till You Drop

**A/N: Okay, I've decided that he will work it out soonish... not in this chapter, although he has his concerns. But even when he does work it out and confronts Rose, she'll be in complete denial. **

**Don't forget to press the little purple button at the bottom of the page! I love getting all your reviews! xx**

**xxxx**

One week later

Eyes focused straight ahead and mind completely on the task at hand, Rose pounded the treadmill as if it were a monster to be rid of. Although, it actual fact, the thing was starting to become more like her best friend. In the few days since the Doctor had told her where it was, Rose had been spending hours at a time in the gym, coming out exhausted and looking more ill than she had before she went in, and so, as had become her custom, she would slap on even more make up to falsely brighten her skin.

The door opened then and the Doctor stepped into the room. He looked at Rose's reflection in the mirror and gave her a small smile.

"You coming off that thing yet? I'm beginning to regret letting slip that I even had a gym. Mind you, you're the first one to use it in a long time."

Rose looked back at him. "I was just about too," she panted back, pressing the button that set the treadmill to 'cool down' mode. She slowly came to a stop and stepped off. The Doctor handed her her bottle of water and she gulped it down gladly.

"Rose, I know you're feeling better now, but I still wish you'd take things a bit more slowly. Why the fitness craze all of a sudden?"

"Nothing wrong with wanting to keep in shape, is there? Besides, the fitter I am, the faster I can outrun all those nasty things we occasionally encounter," she replied as she put the bottle down and began stretching her limbs so that her muscles didn't lock.

"Well, no. But -"

"Well, there you go then," she said, cutting him off. "I'll just go and take a shower and then we can go somewhere, yeah?"

The Doctor sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Okay, but we'll go somewhere I know is risk free. How about... dinner? I know this lovely little restaurant on Belize that you would love. It has these amazing -"

"How about dancing?" Rose said, cutting him off yet again.

"Dancing?"

Rose smiled, a twinkle in her otherwise dull eyes. "You can still dance, can't you?"

He grinned. "Can I still dance? Rose Tyler, you've seen nothing yet."

"Is that so? In that case, I'll dig out my dancing shoes and meet you in the console room in an hour," she said, poking a finger at his chest.

"Can't wait."

xxxx

Rose stood in her underwear in front of her mirror, examining her figure and frowning every so often. She pulled out her scales and stood on them, looking down to see the result. In two and a half weeks she had lost a stone, way more than enough for someone who didn't need to lose weight in the first place, but Rose was blind to that fact, and unhappy with the amount of flesh she was currently squeezing between her fingers. Sighing, she went over to her wardrobe and pulled out a little black dress she hadn't yet had the chance to wear. However, upon putting it on, she discovered that it was just more than a little loose. This cheered her up slightly, and she ran off to the wardrobe room to find something better fitting.

When she entered the console room forty-five minutes later, make-up perfect, strapless tight red dress which left little to the imagination and red satin heels that made her legs seem to go on forever, the Doctor couldn't help but let his jaw fall to the ground, even though a niggling voice at the back of his head said 'has she always been that thin?'. But then, he did only usually see her in jeans and hoodies, and the dress was skin tight...

"Ready then?" she asked, smiling with her tongue stuck out slightly between her teeth.

"Ye..." the Doctor squeaked. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Yeah."

Rose walked past him towards the door, her perfume tickling his nose and sending his senses wild. He grabbed his coat and ran out after her.

"Don't you want something for your shoulders?" he asked as he locked the TARDIS door behind them.

"Why, does this not look right?" she said, coming right up to him and staring him in the eyes. "Am I too exposed?"

"N-no," he gulped, trying desperately to keep his eyes on her face. "I just thought you might get cold. The nights on this planet can sometimes be quite bitter, even in the summer."

"I'm sure I'll be fine. Besides, if I do get cold, you'll just have to keep me warm, won't you?" she smiled seductively at him.

The Doctor swallowed heavily again. "This way," he said, starting off down the road.

Rose grabbed his hand and fell into step beside him. "Where are we, anyway?"

"Rozetta."

"Sounds rather romantic," Rose pointed out.

"Indeed. And the people here love to dance."

They carried on walking for a few minutes before they came to a queue of people standing at the door way of a tall building.

"Now this, Rose, is the place to been seen. Anybody who's anybody comes here. It's called Dancia, and if your name's not down, you're not going in."

Rose frowned. "But then how..." she trailed off when the Doctor waved a black wallet in front of her face. She grinned. "How could I forget?"

They joined the queue, Rose fussing with her outfit and they waited to get to the front.

"Do I look okay?"

The Doctor tried not to meet her gaze. "You look lovely."

She smiled. "Doctor?"

"Hmm?"

"You didn't even look at me."

His tongue flicked out over his bottom lip as he thought. "I did. I saw you before we left."

"Well, it's been ages since I went to a club. I want to make sure I'm not... overdressed."

He looked at her this time, something unreadable in his eyes. "Definitely not overdressed. Still think you should have put something on your arms though," he said as he noticed her shiver slightly.

Rose looked panicked. "Why? Do my arms look fat? I knew I should have worn that other dress!"

"No, no, no, of course not. I meant that you looked cold, that's all."

"Oh," she said, self-consciously rubbing her hands up and down her arms. She stopped suddenly, her face twisted slightly as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She felt an arm snake around her shoulders as she blinked away the bout of dizziness that had swept over her.

"Rose? What's wrong?" the Doctor's concerned voice rang in her ear.

"N-nothing."

"Doesn't look like nothing. I'm sorry Rose, I don't know what I was thinking. You're obviously not well enough for all this yet."

"I'm perfectly fine. It was just one of those things. It's gone now, I'm fine. See?" she said, smiling widely at him.

The Doctor looked torn. "I'm not sure this is a good idea. What if you -"

Rose put a finger to his lips to shush him. "It was nothing, honestly. Come on, I've been cooped up for ages and I really need a night out. Pretty please?" she pouted, giving the Doctor the special look which always got her her own way.

"Oh, all right," he sighed. "But if you feel ill, you must let me know."

"Deal."

They got to the front of the queue at the Doctor flashed his psychic paper. They were instantly waved through.

"So," Rose said, taking his arm as they walked inside. "Who are we?"

The Doctor stared at the paper. "Apparently, we're the Count and Countess of Rozetti."

Rose laughed. "I'm a countess? That's so cool!"

"Oh, yes. Very cool. And this," he said, pushing open a set of doors, "is even cooler."

Rose gasped. The club was the most sumptuous place she had even seen. Purple, gold and red drapes hung everywhere. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling and giant squishy purple and red sofas surrounded dark wood tables. Fairy lights twinkled around the dance floor and the floor shimmered.

"It's gorgeous!" she exclaimed. She spotted the bar. "Drink?"

"Oh, no," the Doctor said. "You are having nothing but water."

She stuck her tongue out at him playfully. "Spoil-sport. Well, I'm going to have a dance."

"Don't get into any trouble!" he called after her as she walked away. He smiled at her retreating back and then turned and went to the bar, watching her occasionally to make sure she was okay.

xxxx

Rose giggled as the Doctor spun her round the floor.

"You're good, you're very good."

"Of course I am," the Doctor said, grinning at her like a cheshire cat. He pulled her close to him and dipped her, making her laugh even more.

"See? I knew this was a good idea," Rose said as he pulled her back up.

The fast track changed to a slow one, making the Doctor feel suddenly awkward. Rose, however, simply wrapped her arms around his neck, making him gulp.

"Would you like another drink?"

"Hmm?" Rose said, not looking up from where her head was buried in his shoulder.

"Drink?" the Doctor repeated.

She looked up at him slowly and smiled. "No thanks."

Once the Doctor had caught hold of her eyes, he found that he couldn't pull himself away from them and he soon found himself drawing into her, closer and closer until...

"Oi! Watch it mate!"

The Doctor blinked, incensed. "Excuse me, but you walked into us!"

"Whatever," the man said rudely, walking off into the crowd.

The Doctor shook his head. "The nerve of some people," he said, turning to face Rose again. When she smiled and leaned into him again, to continue what they had been about to start, he took hold of her upper arms and gently pushed her back slightly, seeming to notice something that Rose hadn't.

"Rose, are you feeling all right?"

"Of course," she said, trying to get closer to him.

But she wasn't, the Doctor could see. Her eyes were unfocused and she kept blinking as if she had something in them.

"You look drunk," he stated in a worried tone, still holding her back.

She laughed. "But I haven't even had any alcohol," she slurred.

"I know, that's what worries me."

Rose put a hand to his face. "I'm fine. I'm..."

"Rose?"

"I'm..." she stumbled, and the Doctor grabbed her around the waist.

"Dizzy," she managed to get out before collapsing in his arms.

"I knew it was too soon. Come on, we're going."

"But I don't want to," Rose protested, her voice weak as she unsuccessfully tried to stay put.

The Doctor scooped her up and carried her out of the club, hurrying back to the TARDIS as fast as he could.


	9. Secrets & Lies

**A/N: I'm glad you all liked the last chapter, I was quite worried about it! The lovely Adia Rose has given me loads of info, so hopefully this is all sounding quite realistic. Let me know though! **

**xxxx**

"Here you go... careful..." the Doctor said, slowly helping Rose into bed. "All right?"

Rose nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay, really."

The Doctor gave her one of those looks that told her he didn't believe her one bit. He pulled the covers up around her and sat down next to her on the edge of the bed. He took her hand.

"Rose, I told you to let me know if you were feeling ill."

Rose looked down at their joined hands, not wanting to make eye contact with him. "I know," she said quietly.

"So...?"

She looked at him then, her eyes pleading with him to understand the lie she was about to tell. "I'm sorry, I just didn't want you to worry. I've been feeling a bit off colour all day, but it's nothing, I'm sure, just one of those things. It happens. I'll be all right, honest. In fact, I'm already feeling a lot better."

The Doctor just shook his head. "No, there's something else, isn't there?"

Rose's eyes widened slightly. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I think you might have picked up a bug at the hospital. Sometimes they take a while to manifest. Come on, let's get you down to the med bay and I'll run a few tests."

"But I don't... Im fine. I don't need any 'tests.'"

"Now, Rose, come on. They won't hurt and I'll be able to find out what's wrong with you and then treat it. Nothing to it." He pulled back her covers and helped her to sit up.

"Doctor, really, there's no need," she protested as he fussed around her.

"Rose, -"

"Stop it!" Rose suddenly cried out, making him jump. He stopped what he was doing and sat back down, looking at her solemnly.

"Don't look at me like that. I told you, there's nothing wrong with me. Just let me go to sleep."

"Okay," the Doctor said. "Whatever you want." He stood to leave, before continuing in a more serious tone, "But if you're the same in the morning then you're going for tests, even if I have to drag you kicking and screaming."

Rose nodded at him and slipped under the covers.

xxxx

"Ow, ow, ow," Rose gasped, clutching hold of her stomach. She took a few deep breaths and hauled herself out of bed, bent over double as she tried to make the pain go away. Tears pricked her eyes and she prayed to anyone who would listen that the Doctor wouldn't appear right at that moment. When she finally managed to straighten up, she took a shower, applied her make-up and put on a smile when the Doctor did indeed eventually knock on her door.

"Come in!" she called out brightly, grinning when the Doctor came through the door. "Good morning."

"Well, I must say, you do look better," he said, with a grin to match hers. "And I'm sorry for last night. I know I must seem a bit over-protective at times, but it's only because I care."

"You care?" Rose said, tongue sticking out playfully between her teeth as she walked over to him and took his hands in hers.

He gave her a lopsided smile. "You know I do. Now, come on. I bet you could do with something to eat. Do you know we missed dinner yesterday? I'm starving!"

"We missed dinner? I hadn't even noticed."

"Well, tell you what," he said, steering her into the corridor, "How about I make those pancakes you like?"

Rose paled slightly. "Really, you don't have to do that."

"Nonsense. Besides, I quite fancy them, especially with bucket loads of syrup." He took her hand and led her up and into the kitchen. "Sit," he said, pulling out a chair for her at the table.

Rose obeyed and sat silently, wringing her hands nervously under the table.

"So are we going anywhere interesting today?" she asked, trying not to let her voice tremble.

"Well," the Doctor said, grabbing a bottle of pancake mix out of one of the cupboards, "firstly, we always go to interesting places, and secondly... haven't thought of anywhere yet. You pick. What do you fancy? 19th century Venice? A cruise along the star fields of Delta 9? Strawberry picking in... Oh, no wait. Got banned from there. But still, can't please everyone all the time, can you?"

Rose stifled a laugh. "You got banned from strawberry picking?!"

"Hey! There were no signs up saying you couldn't try before you buy."

"Yeah, but how many did you try?"

The Doctor tugged at his ear. "I'd say about... well, lets just say I was found lying on my front reading a book and munching away to my hearts content."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Rose said as she discreetly clutched her hands to her belly to try and push away the twinges of pain that had resurfaced.

He grinned as he tipped some of the mix into the frying pan. Rose grimaced as she heard it sizzle away. Ten minutes later she had a stack of pancakes and a jug of maple syrup sitting in front of her.

"Eat up then," the Doctor said as he drizzled what Rose thought must have been at least half a ton of syrup over his pancakes.

She took a deep breath and tentatively prodded one with her fork. "You do remember me telling you that I was trying to keep fit, right?"

"Rose," the Doctor said with his mouth half full. "You've been exercising so much that a few pancakes aren't going to make any difference whatsoever. Now eat, before they get cold."

Rose sat for a second staring at her plate, trying desperately to think of a way not to eat. Then it came to her. She pulled her phone slowly out of her pocket and dialled the number for the TARDIS, making sure her hands were well hidden under the table. When it started to ring, the Doctor looked up in confusion.

"Who on earth...? I bet that's your mother."

"You won't know till you answer it, will you?"

"But who else has the number?"

"Doctor, just go and answer it."

He sighed and got up. "All right, I'm going."

As soon as he had left the kitchen, Rose put her phone on the table and rushed over to the bin.

It wouldn't open.

"What? Oh, come on!" she cried, yanking it as hard as she could. It still wouldn't budge.

This isn't funny!" she told the TARDIS when she'd figured out that she had probably had something to do with it. " I can't eat it. I won't. Now open it up!" Rose panicked, knowing the Doctor would be about to answer the phone and she had to cut the line off before he did. She snatched up her phone, pressed the 'hang up' button, and shoved it in her pocket. Tears forming in her eyes, she desperately searched for somewhere to hide the pancakes, but the TARDIS had sealed everything shut. Defeated, Rose sat down and tried not to cry.

"Can you believe they hung up just as I was about to answer? Don't you just hate it when that happens?" the Doctor said as he came back in and sank back into his seat. He picked up his knife and fork. "Rose?"

"Hmm?"

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"Oh, yeah. I was just waiting for you."

He smiled at her as she picked up her cutlery and began to cut a slice of pancake.

"So, have you decided where you'd like to go?"

"Um..."

"Um?" the Doctor said, smiling at her teasingly. "I don't think... oh, wait! Yes, there is a city called Um on the planet Foret. Funny little place. Shall we go?"

Rose rolled her eyes at him. "Whatever makes you happy," she said, placing her fork in her mouth.

The Doctor leant over the table. "Something wrong?"

Rose gave him a false smile as she chewed slowly, trying not to gag in front of him. "No, nothing's wrong. Foret it is."

xxxx

After finishing breakfast, Rose had excused herself to get changed into something that matched Foret's hot climate. But first she had to get rid of what she had just eaten. She pulled down the handle on her bathroom door, walking into it when she expected it to open. "Oh, come on! Please, girl, it's not funny anymore. I need to use the loo."

But the TARDIS, knowing better, kept the door firmly locked. Rose put all of her weight against it, but soon gave up when it wouldn't budge.

"Fine," she snapped. Looking round her room, she spotted her wastepaper basket and went over to it, picking it up and putting it on her lap as she sat on her bed. She retched horribly, forcing herself to be sick until there was nothing left. Afterwards, exhausted and sweating, she stumbled over to the bathroom and found that the door was now unlocked. She swore she heard the TARDIS give a melancholy sigh as she went in to brush her teeth.


	10. The Awful Truth

**A/N: Okay, this is the chapter I think all of you (or most of you) have been waiting for. Please review and let me know what you think!**

**xxxx**

"I'm sorry, I don't know what happened," Rose said breathlessly as the Doctor carried her into the TARDIS. She'd just regained consciousness after a dizzy spell and an uncomfortable tightness in her chest had caused her to black out again. They'd only been on Foret for a few hours, and had been browsing market stalls when she had suddenly had difficulty breathing.

"Rose, don't worry. I'm going to find out what's wrong with you and get you better, I promise," the Doctor said, his voice full of concern and fear. He carried her through the ship, placing her gently on a bed when he reached the med bay.

"No," Rose weakly tried to protest. "I don't... I don't need tests."

The Doctor took her hand in his and brushed a piece of hair out of her eyes with his free one.

"Yes, you do. If it helps, I don't really like tests either, but they won't hurt, I promise."

Rose eyes pricked with tears, and she choked back a sob. "Please," she whispered, "please let me go to my room."

The Doctor shook his head and gave her a gentle smile. "I'm sorry Rose, I can't."

"Yes, you can. I just need to sleep, that's all. I had a bout of insomnia last night and it's exhausted me, that's all." She tried to get up, but the Doctor placed a hand on her shoulder and gently held her down.

"Rose, come on now. I'm just going to take some blood, check your blood pressure and link you up to a heart monitor for a bit."

Defeated, Rose stilled.

"Good girl." The Doctor got up and pulled a stethoscope out of a draw. "Lift your top for me, would you?"

"What?"

The Doctor smiled kindly at her. "I just want to listen to your chest."

Rose hesitated, then lifted her top. Despite everything that was happening, she was very aware of the fact that he was about to see her bra, and she blushed slightly, bringing some welcome colour to her pale cheeks. If the Doctor noticed this he didn't say anything, he simply placed the end of the stethoscope on her chest, completely professional. Rose gasped slightly as the coldness of the metal hit her skin.

"Sorry," the Doctor said, pulling the scope away and rubbing the end of it. He delicately placed it back down. "Better?"

Rose nodded, and started up at the ceiling.

"Okay, take a deep breath for me, then let it out slowly."

She did as she was told, but was too busy looking at the strange patterns above her to notice the look of worry on his face.

"And again," he said. She complied, and when he was satisfied he carefully sat her up. "Just need to do the back."

Ten minutes later, Rose was linked up to the heart monitor. Her blood pressure had been taken, which the Doctor had found to be worryingly low, and her blood was currently inside a little machine that was testing it for abnormalities. The heart monitor was currently beeping steadily, but much too slowly.

All of a sudden, the Doctor stood up from where he had been sat beside Rose's bed and briefly glanced upwards.

"What's wrong?" Rose asked, sounding slightly panicked.

He looked down at her, his eyes hiding something. "I think something's wrong with the TARDIS. I'll just go and check it out in case it's something that will affect the functioning of the monitor. Won't be long," he said, striding towards the door.

"You're leaving me alone?"

He turned in the doorway and smiled at her. "Don't worry, you'll be fine." He went back over to her and placed a small button in her hand. "Here, take this. If you need me just press it and I'll come running."

xxxx

"There had better be a good reason why you're making me go into Rose's room without her permission," the Doctor said to his ship and he walked the corridors, eventually arriving at his destination. He paused when his hand connected with the handle, hesitating only until the TARDIS gave him a gentle push. "All right," he grumbled, opening the door and stepping inside. He had noticed that Rose's room and been spritzed with a bit too much air-freshener recently, and today was no different. Gently closing the door behind him, he walked further in and just stood there, waiting for the TARDIS to give him some sort of instruction. She gave him a nudge towards the bathroom and he walked in, finding it a lot messier than normal. make-up was spread everywhere, compacts open and foundation sponges caked in the creamy coloured cover-up.

"Okay, so she's left it in a bit of a mess and looks like she's vigourously attacked her make-up. So what?"

The great ship sighed and brought him out into the bedroom again.

"What now?" he asked, getting slightly exasperated. "Oh, no," he said, moving towards the door. "I am not going through her diary."

But, as she had done with Rose, the TARDIS locked the door and wouldn't let him leave.

"You know I have my sonic screwdriver on me, don't you?" the Doctor said as she grumbled at him. "All right, all right." He hesitantly reached over to Rose's bedside table and picked up the colourful looking book, finding the last page that had been written on. "I shouldn't be doing this," he complained as he sat on the bed. He could hear the old girl shouting inside his head, and he looked back down and forced himself to read the last entry.

**'I can't believe I just had to eat all those pancakes. It made me feel disgusting, and the TARDIS didn't help when she locked me out of my bathroom. I had to be sick in my bin in the end. How undignified. She doesn't understand. If I don't do this, then I'll never be loved. I've lost over a stone already, but it's still no where near enough. I stood in front of the mirror yesterday in my underwear and couldn't believe how hideous I still looked. The amount of fat I squeezed between my fingers was sickening. **

**The Doctor would go mad if he knew what I was doing. I don't think I'd be able to convince him that it was all for the greater good. He can be so stubborn sometimes. It will make him happy eventually though. **

**Must get ready now. We're going to the planet Foret, to visit a city called 'Um.' How funny is that?'**

His hands shaking, the Doctor placed the book down beside him on the bed. "No," he said, getting up and walking towards the door. He pulled out the sonic screwdriver and aimed it at the lock on the door. Before he could press the button though, the device heated up in his hand and he yelped and dropped it.

"Stop it," he told his ship, cursing when he went to pick it up and it burned his skin again. "I said stop it!" he shouted, his voice trembling. "You're wrong. I don't care what her diary says... she wouldn't..." he trailed off upon being instructed to look under the bed. Kneeling on the ground, he peered into the dark space and caught sight of a large, metal box. He pulled it out and placed it on the bed. The box had a lock on it, and the TARDIS allowed him to pick up his screwdriver so that he could open it. Shaking even harder, he tried to keep his hand steady as he aimed the screwdriver at the lock. There was a buzz, and it clicked open. The Doctor stared at it for a moment, scared of what he'd find if he lifted the lid. He took a deep breath and opened it, instantly gagging as the smell of rotting food came wafting out. He slammed it shut and stepped away from it, his hands over his face. That was when he realised, when he shook away the cloud of denial that had been hanging over him. All those times Rose would take her her dinner to her room because she was tired, all those times he shrugged off the fact that he thought she looked thinner, drawn, exhausted. All those times he let her lie to him.

All those times he believed her.

Tears stung his eyes and he slumped down onto the floor, the shock hitting him like a lead weight. She was starving herself, and he hadn't even noticed. His shoulders shook, and he cried into his hands, wondering why she had done this to herself and inwardly yelling at himself for being such an idiot. She was slowly killing herself, her body slowly shutting down as it was starved of what it vitally needed. And she had been so clever, so devious that she had constantly thrown him off the scent.

But he was the Doctor, and he should have noticed.

It was Rose, and he should have noticed.

It was the woman he loved more than anything, and he should have noticed.

He sobbed despairingly. He knew all about the illness he now knew she had, and knew how utterly hard it was to come back from it. It frightened him to think that she wouldn't, frightened him to think that he could lose her all because he had been walking around blind.

He wiped his eyes and slowly got up. He had to confront her, even if it meant she would deny it and be angry at him for suggesting such a thing.

He had to save her.

If he didn't, Rose Tyler might die.

And then so would he.


	11. Rose's Denial

**A/N: Hey! I'm so sorry this has taken so long. I've been so busy with uni, then I was ill for over 2 weeks and now I have loads of work to catch up on! Grrr. Hopefully you won't have to wait as long for the next one, but it might be once a week or fortnight depending on what coursework I'm doing! And I really will try and update my other stories as soon as possible! Thanks for hanging in there, it means a lot.**

**xxxx**

The closer to the med bay the Doctor got, the angrier he became. Not just at himself, but also at Rose. He couldn't understand why she had done this to herself; why she hadn't come to him with her problems instead of starving herself. And the implications of what she was doing... well, it just didn't bear thinking about. As he rounded the corner and reached the doorway, his eyes misted up again. Rose was lying there, staring at the ceiling. She looked so frail, so doll-like, that he almost lost the nerve to confront her about it. Taking a deep breath - anger already melted away - he walked in.

"I was beginning to think you'd forgotten about me," Rose said, as she sat herself up.

The Doctor smiled weakly at her as he came to a stop by the bed.

"Doctor? What's wrong?" Rose asked, reaching out to take his hand. She winced as he squeezed hers a bit too tightly, making him raise his eyebrows and loosen his grip. "Sorry," he whispered. He studied her face for a moment before pulling her up. Letting go of her hand, he took a step back and ran his eyes over her body.

"What are you doing?" Rose said nervously, her hands twisting together.

"Oh, Rose," the Doctor said hoarsely, his eyes resting over the band of her jeans, looking at the way the material bunched together where she had had to tighten her belt to hold them up. "It's so obvious – how did I not see it?"

"See what? Doctor, you're scaring me," she said, fidgeting.

He looked back up at her, his eyes sad and heavy. "I know what's wrong with you."

Rose looked surprised. "You do? But you haven't even looked at my test results yet."

He shook his head slowly. "Don't need too."

"Well?" Rose asked, starting to get agitated. "What is it?"

The Doctor took a deep breath, his eyes shining with tears. "You're..." he trailed off, moving towards her. He put a hand up to her face and gently stroked her cheek, feeling her shake slightly. "You're anorexic."

Rose blinked. "What?"

"It's okay, I'll help you through it, you'll get better, I promise and - " he paused when he saw that Rose had put her hand over her mouth, her shoulders shaking. "Why are you laughing?"

"I'm sorry," she said, trying to calm herself down. "It's just... well, it's ridiculous! I'm not anorexic. How could you think that?"

"Rose," the Doctor said, putting his hands on her shoulders and staring her right in the eye until the seriousness in his gaze made her pull herself together. "Look at yourself. You've lost a huge amount of weight in such a short space of time, you keep passing out and I can't even remember the last time I saw you eat anything."

"I... that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I do eat. All the time. You should know, you see me take my dinner to my room and -"

"Exactly. I see you take it to your room, and that's it."

"And I give you back an empty plate!" Rose cried, throwing her hands into the air.

"Yes, you do," the Doctor said quietly.

"Well, what's the problem then? So what if I've lost a few pounds – I look better for it, don't I? There's no harm in wanting to look after yourself, no law against it."

The Doctor rubbed his hands over his face. "I went to your room, Rose. I'm sorry, but I had to know."

Rose's face twisted in anger. "You went into my room without asking?"

"I had to, please understand that. I saw that box under your bed... and I opened it."

"You did WHAT?!" she screamed at him. "How dare you?! What the hell makes you think you can just go through my stuff?! Just because you're some high and mighty Time Lord, you think you don't need anyone's permission to do anything?!"

"Rose, please," he begged, his voice trembling. "You know me better than that. You know I'd only do something like that if the situation called for it."

"Situation?! There isn't a situation!" she shouted, her voice becoming hoarse. She went to storm off, but he grabbed her arms.

"Rose, listen to me, please. You know I just want what's best for you. You're seriously ill -"

Rose shrugged herself forcefully out of his grip. "There is nothing wrong with me. Now, take me home."

The Doctor eyes widened. "What?"

"You heard me, I said take me home," Rose spat. "The last thing I want to do is stay with someone who makes such wild accusations and betrays my trust. I thought you were my friend, I thought..."

"I am, Rose, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was betray your trust, but I had to."

Rose looked at him, her eyes watery and angry. "No, you didn't. There's nothing wrong with me, and you should know that. How could you do that to me? No, I won't stay here."

"Sweetheart, listen to -"

"Don't call me that! You have no right, not anymore."

The Doctor sighed deeply. "Listen to me, Rose. You're very sick, but you can't see it because anorexia is a mental illness. You need help, before something terrible happens."

"What, so now you're saying I'm mental?" she laughed dryly. "Well, come on Doctor, don't stop there. Anything else you want to throw at me? Stupid? Dumb? Thick? Useless human ape?"

The Doctor's lip trembled slightly. "Stop it, Rose," he whispered.

"Why? Might as well get out what you really think. Should have known really, I mean, you left me for Reinette, didn't you? Sure, you came back, but you didn't know you would be able to at the time, did you? No, you just left Mickey and me on some spaceship without a second thought for our welfare!"

"Rose, please..." he said, tears slowly running down his face.

"Oh!" Rose cried. "So you do have a conscience then?"

The Doctor stepped towards her but Rose backed away. "I know no amount of apologising can make up for what I did. If only you knew just how terribly guilty I've felt ever since. I left you both there, and the thought of what I did tears me up every time I think about it, you must believe that Rose. You mean more to me than Reinette ever did."

"Really? Funny way of showing it. You didn't even think about me in that second, did you? You just saw a beautiful, intelligent, French whore. Someone who was everything I wasn't."

"How can you say that? Rose, you're one of the smartest people I know. And look at you, you're gorgeous."

"Yeah, right. If that was true you wouldn't have left!" Rose suddenly sobbed.

Again, the Doctor reached out to her, but she escaped him once more.

"Just take me home. Please."

The Doctor looked at her in defeat, his wet cheeks glistening. "Okay, I'll take you home. But your mother will say exactly the same thing, I know it," he said, making a mental note to call Jackie while Rose was collecting her things.

Rose glared at him through her tears. "No, she won't. You know why? Because she loves me and she trusts me."

He shook his head sadly. "You might not believe it right now, but you're killing yourself, Rose, and I for one will not sit by and just watch you wither away into nothing."

"Well, just as well you won't be around then, isn't... oh!" Rose grabbed her stomach and reached out blindly for something to grab on to. She felt arms wrap around her, pulling her to her feet and over to the bed. Her head span but she still tried to fight against him, insisting she was okay, before everything went black.


	12. I'll Be Your Shadow

**A/N: Woohoo! A new chapter! End of term this week, so should be able to write a bit more. Enjoy, and please review!**

**xxxx**

Her head felt dull and she felt something holding her down as she struggled to sit up. Opening her eyes, she blinked to clear the haziness and then looked down to find that she was being held securely in place by straps. Looking to her left, she saw an IV line attached to her arm.

She screamed.

"Doctor!"

Several seconds later the man in question came hurrying through the med bay door, his hair a mess and his eyes red.

"I'm sorry, Rose. I didn't mean to leave you alone, I just went to -"

"Untie me," Rose rasped, cutting him off.

The Doctor shook his head sadly. "I can't, Rose."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "What do you mean you can't? Untie me! And while you're at it you can take this drip out too!"

No," he said, resolutely.

"Why? And what is this drip for anyway?"

The Doctor sighed and sat down next to her. He went to take her hand, but she balled it into a fist before he could.

"It's feeding you vital nutrients."

Rose's eyes widened in shock. "What?! Take it out, take it out NOW!"

"No," he told her, firmly, even though inside his hearts were breaking.

"TAKE IT OUT!" she screamed at him, struggling against the binds.

"No, Rose, I can't! You will die if you carry on as you are, that is why the drip is in you! And I'm sorry, but I am not loosening the binds until I know you won't rip it out," he said, more harshly than he intended.

Rose started at him for a second, then burst into tears.

"Please," she sobbed, "I'll be good, I promise. Just untie me, please."

"I can't," the Doctor said, gently this time, as tears dripped down her face, rolling down to the side and onto the covers. He wiped them away with the back of his hand.

"Please," she begged him again. "I'll behave, I really will."

The Doctor knew she was lying, but he couldn't help but soften a bit. "I'll tell you what. I'll untie them, but only while I'm in the room with you. If I have to leave at any point, they go straight back on. And all the while you're untied, you will not, I repeat, not, touch that drip – is that understood?"

Rose looked from him, to the drip, and back again, her face weary. "Okay," she nodded.

The Doctor carefully unstrapped her and helped her to sit up. "All right? Do you feel dizzy?"

"No, I feel fine. I keep telling you that."

"People who are fine don't black out every five minutes."

They sat in silence for a few moments, the Doctor watching Rose carefully as she eyed her drip.

"Could I have some water?" she said, turning her head to look at him.

"Of course," he replied. He got up and grabbed a glass and jug off the work-top, noting how disappointed she looked when he didn't leave the room. He sat down and filled the glass. "Here you go."

"Thanks," she said glumly, taking the glass and sipping the water delicately. She handed it back to him after a minute.

"Had enough?"

"Yes."

Again there was silence, and Rose began to fidget more and more, eventually unconsciously scratching her right arm.

"Rose, stop it."

"Stop what?"

"What you're doing to your arm – stop it."

She looked down and saw that her skin had become bright red and a small amount of blood had been drawn. She didn't even flinch. "It's bleeding," she said, sounding frighteningly detached.

The Doctor reached into the cabinet next to him, pulling out a bottle of TCP and some cotton wool. He poured out some of the liquid onto the wool and dabbed it gently on her arm. He was at least expecting her to jump a bit as it touched her skin, but if it stung, she didn't let on – she just stared straight ahead.

"All done."

Rose didn't say anything.

"Rose," he said, trying to sound as delicate as possible. "What do you know about anorexia?"

She ignored him.

"Rose?"

She turned to him, and through gritted teeth said, "I don't have anorexia."

The Doctor held his hands up in defence. "I was just asking what you knew about it, that's all."

"When's this drip coming out?" she said, changing the subject.

"When you start eating properly again."

Rose glared at him. "Are you enjoying this?"

That got him. "Do I looked like I'm enjoying it?!" he snapped.

She looked away from him and he instantly regretted losing his temper.

"I'm sorry, Rose. I didn't mean to shout at you."

Rose chewed at her lip for a second, then swung her legs over the edge of the bed.

"Where are you going?"

"Little girl's room."

He nodded. "Come on then," he said, getting up and taking her arm.

"What? You're not going with me," she said, pulling away from him.

"Rose, I either go with you, or you have a catheter put in. Not very pleasant and certainly not very dignified for you. What'll it be?"

Rose huffed. "Fine."

The Doctor helped her to stand and they slowly made their way to the bathroom. Once there, Rose went to close to door, but the Doctor held it slightly ajar.

"Now what're you doing?!"

"Keeping an eye on you."

"For goodness sake! Can't I have any privacy?"

He looked at her, his eyes full of regret. "Rose, you know I don't want to do this to you."

"Look, I promise I won't pull the drip out."

"I can't, Rose. This is how it's going to be until you start getting better."

Rose gave him a look of death and started to undo her trousers. The Doctor looked away until she had finished.

"There," she said, flushing the chain and washing her hands. "Happy now?" She stormed up the corridor, dragging the IV roughly along.

"You know I'm not," he whispered, before jogging to catch up with her.

xxxx

"How do you feel?"

"Pissed off. Anything else you want to know?"

The Doctor sighed. "No, I meant how do you feel in yourself? What are you thinking?"

"What are you now? My counsellor?"

He rubbed his face. "I just want to try and find out what's caused all this, that's all. Believe it or not, I want to help you."

"Funny way of showing it," she said grumpily, folding her arms over her chest.

He tried again. "Before, when you mentioned Reinette and you put yourself down -

Why did you do that? Because there is nothing about you that needs changing - you're beautiful. I told you, I only take the best."He smiled at her, but she just continued to glare.

"I'm tired," she said, putting her head down on her pillow and pulling the covers over herself.

"Okay," the Doctor said, and as she squeezed her eyes closed to shut him out, he bit down on his lip to stop the tears.


End file.
